When talking about community, you’d be hard pressed to find a more relevant person to study. Politics, people, religion - it’s all Gandhi traversing the same playspace of how to facilitate a good peaceful community. For someone largely unaware of the politics, people, and religion, I was still able to find meaning and relatability in Gandhi’s struggle to find truth through removing desires like food, ownership of riches, and boundaries between yourself and others. Above all, Gandhi argues for knowing oneself through constant change to find one’s truest form. The month it took me to read this, I was couch surfing in December. Cold, confused. Constantly out of place, constantly trying to find comfort, and rapidly changing each day as I adjusted to what the new normal seemed to be. My body was changing as rapidly as my mindset. Taking long walks or bus rides with Gandhi was one of the largest comforts of the month as he understands how vital change is for growth - misplacing yourself purposefully being the hardest thing to do, but once out of place, that is where you find yourself most largely changed. Crossing the boundary (discomfort) as the only way to see the boundary as it is. I saw the way I have lived in new light again and again: how important my food was to me, how important a comfortable space was, how independently self sufficient and refusing help I really should be, etc etc. How important trust is. And now that I’ve seen those boundaries that defined me, I feel most able to work on them and better myself. Or “find my truest form.” Rephrasing boundaries as opportunities for growth. Challenges within me. Working on my binaries so that I can find what is really most valuable to me: bettering my community. The only way to grow is to change. I ate a lot in December - I track my calories constantly but don’t restrict - eating when I feel hungry. So I know I ate a lot more than normal. I changed my diet to remove processed sugars and grains this season - the objects of desire, we could call them - and so felt largely proud of all I ate as fuel rather than as craving. To allow myself to gain weight is entirely new in addition to diet change - and it is something I have been terrified of a long time. But I found myself gaining muscle more than anything as the hunger came from long periods of strenuous work. And found my metabolism changing too - along with that hard work. I find myself enjoying greatly both the process of eating and the feeling of getting stronger. Not something I could have allowed myself without crossing the boundary of calorie restriction and fear of weight gain. Gandhi, too, focuses greatly on diet in this book as a way to remove passion/desire from one’s life and find one’s truest happiest purest form, and it was nice to hear his thoughts on eating relate to my own. Food as fuel, not as desire. I am not a homebody, but a bed that is mine is sacred to me. To be removed from a living space that is mine - from my objects - I found how little I really needed so much that I owned. I lived out of a suitcase the entirety of the month and found it preferable to choosing new clothes every day and being muddied by distracting objects. It helped me adapt and cut down on wasted time. I kept a pair of gym shorts in my bag at all times, and wore only sport bras so if I needed the gym after work, I could head right there. Often I did, because the place I was staying wasn’t accessible at all hours. I found I could sleep well in new places so long as I was dead tired, and I was, most days, as I was coming back from new physical work I was enjoying. It was uncomfortable learning to adapt, but I found I cared less and less about routine, and enjoyed adapting and learning about the new homes I was crashing in. Pressure I felt to be polite started to fade and my relationships to the friends who housed me became more comfortable and real. My clothing has always been important to me, I like to dress nicely. To be in stained clothing days and days in a row without access to a laundry machine was harrowing. Walking onto the bus or into cafes or bars to get a drink of water as I did covered in fruit and chicken juice, wet with Seattle winter rain. Sticky gloves. I was disgusting. That insecurity goes. I’m proud of the clothes I have stained, I’m proud of the work I get to do instead. The work the stains resemble. In these instances I am reminded of Gandhi’s desires for the gold watch, for riches, and for nice clothing that slowly fade as he gives up all of himself to the public good. Shedding comfort and ease and collection of objects for humility and presentation of one’s truest self. Putting the mind above the terrestrial plane. And relishing that as valid and true. And the list goes on. - My relationship to my phone changed as it died so often I couldn’t rely on it - so I started bringing cassette players around for music and enjoyed that immensely. Books, scraps of paper, my little camera - vessels for art and thought in a new form. - Purging friends who weren’t there for me as I saw them seeing me at my lowest and ignoring me. More and more finding myself drawn to the people who really care - seeing people for who they are. Trusting the folks who showed up. - Purging TV, video games, movies, parties, social gatherings, etc for work. Finding the most joy in working at something I enjoy - and why not spend my life doing what I enjoy rather than distracting myself in a semblance of polite “work life balance”? (Aside: my friend time is still important to me. Rest is important, perspective is important). They are just distractions to the mind as much as anything else. They don’t feel as fun now that I have work I like. The very hardest to grasp has been tearing down what makes me: hard, rigid, independent Violet into a vehicle that services the community above myself. This is where the serious growth begins and where Gandhi is far and away ahead of where I may ever be. “Reduce yourself to 0. You must put yourself last amongst all creatures.“ This is to purely and truly serve ALL. But I began to work on this this month, I think. Removing my boundaries with allowing people to show me affection. Allowing myself to be loved and taken care of so that I may continue to service my community. I found myself at incredible lows this December - unable to walk up the stairs to my apartment from lack of strength, unable to afford food despite being so hungry, crying in the front yard over oranges - unable to lift another box. And to push myself forward knowing my work was worthy, I was forced to accept help from those around me despite my great independence, my want to solve my problems all by myself. PRIDE. How much kindness can I accept? When they let me sleep in their bed, eat their food, borrow their things. Take a bag for me and help me up to the apartment. Offer me a home cooked meal late at night. Lift the box of oranges where I need it to be. On and on and on. It extends to my newfound relationship with leadership. How can I lead without trusting others to take over what I selfishly want to do? What is delegating and what is allowing others to do the job better than I could? Faith in another’s abilities, allowing them to take over when I am weakest, allowing others to grow - this is true leadership. Gandhi knows that to accept help is part of allowing humility. To be your truest most effective person, you must connect with others who will pick you up when you cannot. Who will help you, and the work, keep going. My relationship with trust, both of myself and what I’m capable of, alongside trusting others to take care of me as I had no other options than to accept their shelter and food and water and love has radically changed this December. Could only come with crossing the boundary into unhousedness, into entrepreneurship, into a new lifestyle. And in this way I found myself living more truthfully. Gandhi, thank you for our long walks. Listening to his autobiography was the closest I will ever get to a conversation with Gandhi. His ideas live on, and that’s a beautiful thing for me to be able to have regardless of how boring he is. I am growing into a new body on my quest for truth. I am becoming a monster (and I find such delirious pride in it). I like your vows Gandhi, and I’m taking some of my own.